Taranatha ( Dr B.R. Hardwick Smith) 182pages, Windhorse Publication.
Grew up in a farm in New Zealand, mid 1940s, where killing (of cattle, pests, wild pigs) were part of life. Studied to be a medical doctor, both in NZ and Britain, became a family doctor and buy into a partnership in North Shore in Auckland, around 1959.
The book is rather difficult to read, especially in the beginning., especially the writer jump around, not in chronological otder of events.
The jounrey of a person who kind of bump into Buddhism in New Zealand. A candid and interesting perspective, written from someone with a medical training. It is interesting, how the writer in restrospect, realised that many of the training, or realisation from his experience as a family doctor, were explained in Buddhist text eg : the role of doctor, disease, illness and dependent origin of cause and effect. How doctors perceived death (of a patient) as a failure and thus lead to an avoidance or refusal to discuss death with their patient. There were views from the writer in the late 1970s. Interestingly, I just read in the daily paper yesterday (Jan 2007) an article about how a survey has been carried out in the US about doctor perception of death and dealing with death. Many of the doctors refuse to take part in the survey, majority citing being busy. There is also attempt to built into the cirriculum how to handle death. The writer has been struggling on fulfilling his patients needs - especially at death bed and often often wonder the thin line between being a doctor and priest. A kind of a dissatisfaction that finally lead the writer to abandon medical practice and move on to Buddhism - to try to understand how to serve people's needs.
The writer has been very candid - in restrospect, concluded he wasn't much of a husband and father. When his last daughter finally left home, he also left his wife - as he and his wife has never developed enough of a friendship to survive the departure of their last daughter. How sad, but I have seen it again and again. Couple staying on together for the sake of their children, actiing and pretending a noarmal relationship - that crash when the last thread that hold the family web broke and truth revealed.
How the writer came to seek Buddhism, rang a familiar story for many Buddhists, it seems. There is none of the dramatic tragedy, being saved drama one often hear in Christian witness testimonial. One day, the writer was helping his sister to sort out old books and came across a budhhist book by Christmas Humprey. He took the batterred book back and read it and realised that is already a BUddhist. Over the next few days, a golfer friend, out of the blue asked in the fairway, if he has a relgion. This struck him and lead him to seek a BUddhist center in Auckland, via the telephone book. After 30 years of medical practice, having being an alcoholic, gone through AA , gone through a period of depression at various phase in his life, the writer was ready for the Dharma, so to speak, or when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
After a few retreats, the writer decided he was ready to move on to devote more time to spiritual development. At age 60, the opportunity came to sell his practise and devote his time to spiriutal pursuit. The writer probably did not plan it, but one can see, in hindsight, how the different factors (growing up in a farm, medical study, family obligations, problems and his vast experience from his medical practise in suppossingly a compassionate occupation), chance meetings with the different people, situations have been driving him towards this spiritual journey. Synchronicity.
One of the most valuable take away for me, is the last chapter- aptly titled - growing old. Bot for the young and old, we can learn from his sharing. The writer share the concept of working reserve. We can have working reserve, which rise to occassion during crisis, where we are able to take more stress than is normally possible. The stress a patient can tolerate before becoming dysfunctional is a function of the working reserve. When the working reserve is shrink to zero, dysfunction occur even when there is no stress. Our working reserve shrank with age.
Another common occurence is increasing anxiety with age. I have seen this in my interaction with many senior people and often do not understand until now. Why, previously self confident businessman, successful career man , become anxious over simple task like getting from point A to point B or going to the bank etc. The writer believe this is due to the loss of "power" due to losing confidence and energy that were prevalent during younger days. The wrter encourage one to face this by self reflection on the feeling of anxiety - where is it, how is it fel, what is itt etc Basically, to be aware. This include the ability to just accept that there are tasks that we cannot perform (at the age) and trust someone to help out or to leave it undone. with practise, one can be forewarn of the anxiety by the physical symptoms and allow one to take appropriate action, before being overcome by anxiety.
Another common observation is resistance to change with passing years. Interestingly, the writer believe that with increasing awareness (through meditation is one method), one is more ready to accept change. This is particularly true, when one accept (and observe or internalised) that many things are impermanent.
Labels: buddhist, happiness, medical, meditation
